Updated: Feb 5
I had just spent two minutes explaining why getting hair cuts for my sons wasn't as simple as just going to the local barber shop. Both of my youngest sons are on the autism spectrum. Both of them have sensory processing disorder. Both of them have serious anxiety related to washing, brushing, and cutting their hair. After answering why we make an appointment weeks out to get little boys haircuts, I didn't expect complete understanding or sympathy. I just expected that the person asking the question would say "oh, okay". Instead, I received an incredulous look and "Wow, that's too much ridiculous drama for me." Based on what I know of the person making the comment, I was a bit taken back, and somewhat hurt by the comment. This judgment connected with my inner Mama Bear. I was ready to come out verbally swinging. I could feel the anger, the frustration, and the sadness rising up. I was ready to give this person a great lecture about how judgmental assholes are just the worst kind of people. But then, I remembered the wise words of George S. Thompson, founder and teacher of Verbal Judo. He said, "Never speak the words that rise most readily to your lips, for the moment that you do, you will give the greatest speech you will ever live to regret."
From the moment I heard "Doc" teach those words to me, in the context of working with the criminally insane, I knew that they were going to help me in all areas of life. I took those words to heart and they have helped me countless times. In this instance, my reply was a simple shrug, and I said "Yeah, it's not easy, but it's what we do to help the boys." I'd have really loved to educate this person, and really drive home understanding, but I knew in that moment, my words would have fallen on deaf ears. Learning and practicing to ensure that I never give a speech that I will live to regret isn't easy. Often times, those words that rise up so easy, will let my ego feel good and powerful, but the fall out will take months or even years to fix. I am not perfect in this endeavor, and I do have speeches that I regret, but I get better each time I resist the words that readily rise. But I am immensely proud that I was able to maintain a relationship with this person so that in time, we can move forward into better understanding and acceptance. Working on improving relationships often starts within ourselves. Transformation and Empowerment coaching helps you to improve your relationships with others. Have you ever gave a speech you regretted? Would you love to learn how to decrease those speeches and increase your relationships? Feel free to direct reply to this email and let me help you learn how to communicate with love and acceptance so you do not give a speech you live to regret!
Quote of the Week
George S. "Doc" Thompson
" Never speak the words that rise most readily to your lips, for the moment that you do, you will give the greatest speech you will ever live to regret. "